Psalm 23

I have spent some time in Psalm 23.  A few months ago I made it a part of my daily practice to recite or read this Psalm every day.  I actually stuck with it for a month or so.  Reading this week that this was the soul training was really exciting.  It was nice to once again revisit this passage that really speaks to me in so many ways.  I didn’t do the same thing every time, but whenever I would think about it, I would in my mind recite and or pray Psalm 23.  One of these times I actually prayed it out loud.  I always find peace in these words.  I feel like they center me and help me to settle in to God and what He has.

                I realized that I miss spending time in this part of scripture on a daily basis.  I need to once again revisit these words daily.  They put my day into perspective even as I begin to recite them. 

                It is really hard to pick out one verse or phrase that is meaningful.  Depending on the day, each line in this passage is so heavy with truth and meaning.  I think one phrase that often speaks to me is he restores my soul.  God restores my soul.  He cares enough about me that even the parts of me that I may not fully know or understand he brings restoration to.  That place in my life that nothing else can heal, nothing else can fix, and He is there.  He is always there waiting for me to quiet myself so that he can move and bring wholeness to me.  I love that this Psalm speaks so confidently.  There is not a question of if God will answer or be near.  Instead it is stated as absolute.  Even in moments of doubt, as I pray these truths my heart is calmed, my soul quieted, and my mind is brought back to the One who created me.  

week 3

“Finding God moment by revelatory moment, in the sacred and the mundane, in the valley and on the hill, in triumph and tragedy, and living praise erupting because of it.  That is what we were made for.”              David Crowder

                Making a list of blessings was not a difficulty for me at all.  I actually really enjoyed it.  Having done a small amount of international travel to Central America, I merely have to remember those trips and my list of blessings grows quite rapidly.   It is amazing what much of the world does without.  Beyond having an incredible family and support system, the list of creature comforts alone fills a page or so.  I know and am reminded often how incredibly blessed I am.  I am completely undeserving though continually thankful for this. 

                I was reminded of how amazing God is.  I did learn that a few of the things I am thankful for actually sometimes annoy me.  An example of this is:  I love that my husband loves to play with my boys.  Often this playtime gets rowdy and loud.  In the moment I am often annoyed with the noise level and craziness of what those boys are doing.  But I wouldn’t change it.  I know the value of the role my husband plays in their lives as their dad, and I realize that I need to chill out.  What they are doing, though loud and crazy is important and one day I will miss getting to be the audience. 

                I wasn’t really surprised by anything that made my list.  I think when you travel outside of the US, many things that you take for granted are made pretty apparent.  This is especially true if you visit any developing countries.  I am so grateful that I have had the opportunities in my life to travel a bit.  It has helped me to put life into perspective and to understand a little of what many people go without.  In addition to this, I have some dear friends who once lived in Honduras.  One was born there and the other lived there for 7 years.  Just sitting with them and hearing a little of what life was like there always helps me to see how truly spoiled I am. 

                This was a really nice exercise.  I looked forward to the end of the night when I would grab a pen and sit with my journal and jot down a few more things that I am thankful for.  I think I might make this a weekly habit.   

Shhhhhhhhhhh

The Beauty of Silence

I am sitting beside a pool surrounded by trees with birds chirping all around. Though there is laughter and shouting it is a serene and silent moment. I love silence, I crave quiet. It is what soothes my soul. While I enjoy the peacefulness of no noise, what really renews me is the moments that my mind is quiet. This is the task for me. To not only find space for literal silence, but to find a way to silence within. I was able to find space for the practice of this discipline although I need to make more time to sit and be.
I realize that more than physical silence I need to practice inner silence. I have a constant ticker running all of the things I need to do, plan, figure out, and pray about. My struggle is in letting those things fall so that I can just be. So that I can rest in the presence of The Almighty. I also discovered that I am currently struggling to know deep within that God is good. It is something I know and have known. He has shown me time and time again His goodness, but last year was a rough one for us. I am realizing that I am still trying to process through some of the tragic losses we endured. When life gets crappy it's sometimes hard for me to fully grasp that God is good when my heart is so full of sorrow and grief. I am so thankful that God allows me to work through these times in life. That He remains close even as I struggle to hang on to the truths He has revealed to me again and again.
It was hard to find the time to spend in silence mostly because I read the soul training Tuesday. So I've only had a few days to focus in on this particular discipline. Also, I am so forgetful that there are times that I just don't remember until I am drifting off into sleep. A point in which silence only leads to slumber.
I was walking with my son talking about some flowers, and I was reminded how Jesus tells us that he clothes the lilies and provides for the birds of the air....how much more does he care for us??? (Matthew 6:28-33). Being in nature and taking some time to be in creation with my son actually allows me to share a lot about God and his love for us. I am just thinking maybe that is a space where I can hear/sense God more easily.I am much more aware of His love when I am paying attention to what He has created.

Week 1

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I love sleep.  To have an "assignment" of practicing sleep is like a dream come true.  Unfortunately, at this point in my life, sleep is like an elusive unicorn that doesn't exist.  It's like a cloud, from afar it's there but once you get close, it's impossible to grasp.  So, did I practice this discipline of slumber?  Well, I did attempt to go to bed early, but the harder I tried the worse it was.  It felt like as soon as my head hit my pillow my little one woke up, then for some unknown reason my 2 year old would wake up, then my little one got up, etc. and then the sun is up.  At least that is what I hear "mommy, the sun is up! wake up!"  This is the way it goes right now.  Did I make an attempt to get more sleep, yes.  Did it work? No.  I had to laugh that this was our "soul training" this week because my husband's schedule was supposed to be a lovely 7am-3pm Monday through Friday sort of thing.  But as life would have it, it was crazy and he had to go to work on the weekend and all hours of the night on more than one occasion.  So needless to say the three Smith men living in my house make sleeping oh but a dream.  I honestly just felt frustrated and exhausted.  Perhaps a season of sleep will be in my 10 year plan.

What did I learn about myself through this practice of sleep?  Well, I turn into a terrible person when I don't get enough sleep, but I already knew that.   So, I didn't have any deep revelations.  Maybe when I actually get such glorious stretches of sleep I will be able to think straight enough to discover something.

I don't feel like I had any aha moments about God through this exercise.  I was however reminded of how often God talks about rest in the Bible.  I am reassured that all through His Word He calls us to rest.  That is music to my ears. Time and time again He calls me/us to rest in Him.  To lean on Him, to draw from His strength.  My God is so good.  I forget that He truly cares for me and my well-being.  He doesn't want or expect me live life at the pace our society has set.  His grace truly is sufficient even for a sleep deprived mamma like me.  If only I could grasp that before my morning cup of coffee.  

On another note, this book is refreshingly easy to read thus far.  I do feel like I am hearing a lot of thoughts that mirror those of Richard Foster.  I am eager to read more.  I find such truth in what Smith has to say so far.