How should the trinity shape our worship??

-the trinity makes our worship possible

-the trinity put us in close proximity to God

-the trinity makes corporate worship a priority

-the trinity preserves worships purity

-the trinity encourages a peaceful, humble posture

-the trinity shapes how worship proceeds

I like how all of these sound.  I like that we get to be close to God and worship in his presence.  I love the emphasis on corporate worship.  This principle of a peaceful and humble posture is precisely how we should approach the throne of God.  Hicks has a lot of really great points in this chapter. 

However, according to the author, it seems as though we do a lot of things wrong in the Vineyard.  While I value what he has to say, I don't agree with all of what he is saying.  He talks about how a pew is more reflective of the trinity than a row of chairs, and how the level of sound from the band reflects a church's view of the trinity.  I guess it all feels a bit legalistic.  

I am by no means a theologian, not even close.  But, it seems as though a lot of what he is saying is all about rules and regulations.  I guess at the end of the day my priority is where my heart is.  I want to acknowledge the trinity in the worship I am participating in.  Maybe I would have been happier if I wouldn't have finished the chapter.  I really liked what I was reading until it got down to the really practical stuff.  It's a bummer it all sounded so good until the music was too loud.

Week 3

Michael Bleecker defines doxology as "praise to God (p. 46)."  As I read his chapter, I get the feeling that doxology is the outward expression of our understanding of God.  It is what we do to express what we believe about God.  I have to admit that this vocabulary is somewhat new to me.  I did a little reading up on doxology and what it means.  I came across some definitions where it refers to "the doxology" where a church sings a specific song or hymn that is  "the doxology" of the church.  It seems as though there are a few hymns or songs that are specified for this use depending on what tradition is practiced.   

It seems to me that scripture ought to be the very foundation of our worship.  Beecker placed a lot of emphasis on understanding the words we sing, knowing where in scripture they come from, and then teaching this to our congregation.  I am starting to understand the idea that theology propels our doxology (p. 46).  What we believe about God will be reflected in how we praise Him whether it is in a very specific song, in the sets that we choose, and even in our posture as we worship.  Really it should be our go to, our plumb line.  

This week's post required a lot of thinking.  These are deep questions that hold a lot of weight, but they are not things that I have spent a lot of time thinking about.  However, I see how these things shape and mold worship leaders.  It is in this type of conversation and thought that I imagine the real work is done and real worship leaders are made.  In many ways I think I take for granted the serious thought and wisdom that goes into writing songs and picking songs.  I am starting to see them in a new light with different criticism.  It's good but it is challenging.

What stuck out this week?

"It's time for us to feel the weight of our calling and with humility and passion, and lead those who God puts in front of us each week.(p.55)"

I feel like this has been my take home more than once.  Leading is such an enormous undertaking.  It requires more than just singing songs.  I know this, it isn't new info but at times I am callous to what's at stake.  I hope and pray that as I lead in worship no matter the setting that my heart is humble and aligned with God.

Week 2

Looking at the qualifications of a worship leader, which area(s) if any were new to you? Which areas do you feel most vulnerable/challenged?

Honestly, none of the qualifications for a leader were new to me. I am familiar with the passages of scripture that Boswell referenced in his qualifications. Whether from our church, conferences, books etc I have heard this list in similar form at one time or another. In light of that, it was a good reminder and interesting to see Boswell's interpretation.

Aside from being born with the wrong anatomy, the area that most challenges me is being disciplined. He talks about being "sober-minded self controlled, and disciplined." I have a lot of great intentions, but a major weakness for me is carrying things through well. I can do it for a short amount of time without too much trouble. It is the day in and day out discipline, the long-term discipline, the marathon discipline that just seems to be beyond my grasp. I absolutely see the value and necessity of having this quality. I just wish I was better at it.

To be honest, meeting all of these qualifications is a daunting thought. It is hard enough just to think of people who meet these standards, but to think about meeting them myself seems impossible. This is a sobering reminder of the gravity of leadership.

Doxology and theology: week 1

     According to Boswell, the five marks of worship are:
The worship of the church is God-centered, biblically formed, gospel-wrought, congregational and missional. The one that is most challenging to me is: the worship of the church is biblically formed. The reason for this is that I forget the importance of the theology of a song. I tend to judge a song by the way it sounds first. While I do look at the lyrics, I tend to pick songs more based on how much I like them as opposed to what they are actually saying. Because most of the songs I choose are ones we are already doing or from within the vineyard, I am spoiled. They are pre-approved. I don't have to put a lot of thought into the theology. While I am thankful for this, I am realizing that I need to be more diligent in doing this on my own instead of assuming someone else has already "screened" a song.

"What we truly believe about the gospel is evidenced by how concerned or unconcerned we are about those who are far from its grip." (pg. 19)
     This quote weighed deeply on me. I am not an extrovert by any stretch. The idea of evangelism actually terrifies me. I have participated in "treasure hunt" style prayer evangelism and it gives me anxiety to even think about it. One I the areas I struggle the most in my relationship with Jesus Christ is actually telling other people about him. I am happy to share all day with someone who asks, but put me in a situation where I have to initiate that conversation and it just doesn't happen. It's not that I don't care about people who are lost, I just seem to be paralyzed when trying to reach out to them. I'd love I say that I make up for it in prayers, but quite honestly I often forget to pray for those who do not know the Lord. This quote hit like hammer. It is an area I know I need to work on, but this quote really revealed the significance of reaching the lost.

Week 9

Wow this was harder than I thought.  Slowing down is something that I have talked about before.  It is something that I have been trying to do in my life more and more.  It is really really hard.  I think there are a million reasons why it is so hard.  Sometimes it just feels lazy, sometimes it feels guilty, and sometimes it feels impossible.  I have implemented leaving early into my life.  Instead of waiting until I have to go, I have been trying to give myself a cushion.  This is actually so nice.  I am not stressed, and I find that I get a little extra quiet time in.  I love Smith’s quote “Be present to the present moment.”  I fell like this has been so much more attainable when I choose to live a more deliberately slow life. 

This is really a challenge living in community with people who are super busy and late.  It is hard to plan life and be deliberate to have it changed up by those who are living differently.  I find I am having to say no more often, sacrifice what I want to do for what I should do, and spend a lot more time planning than I want.  All in all, it remains a better way of living.  I definitely will be trying to live a life that is more contemplative and reflective as opposed to hurried and preoccupied.  As I write this, I still cannot imagine a time when I will take 5 minutes to walk from the living room to the kitchen.  But I do appreciate Smith’s variety of suggestions.

Week 8

I can absolutely relate to Carey’s story.  Since I can remember, I have been taught that sin is something we should not do.  For the most part, this meant that I tried to rely on will power to overcome sin.  This of course has always left me feeling more frustrated and more like a failure than anything else.  It never worked to just try not to sin.  I guess I still fight this way of thinking.

“In Christ I am no longer to be defined by sin.  I have been reconciled.  Sin has been defeated.”  This breaks down the idea that sin defines who I am.  It helps me to see more clearly how God sees me.  I get that I need to not sin, but with that in mind, when I do I don’t have to buy into the lie God doesn’t want me anymore.  In my daily life this helps me to see that sin is something I might do, but sin is not who I am.  Who I am is a child of God.  This is a freeing way of thinking.  It releases the burden of carrying around the bad things I have done because I have attached them to my identity.  Instead it cuts those ties and reminds me that my identity is in Christ.  It creates more space to allow God’s love to change me instead of me trying to change me.   

Solitude

                I love being alone.  It is such a rare thing for me at this point in life that it actually feels like a luxury.  While I love that I get to be home with my boys and I work very little outside of my home, a definite down side is no alone time.  Such is life with small kids.  When I saw this as our soul practice I got really excited.  Unfortunately I never got to have some time to myself.  I got a few minutes here and a few minutes there, but I never got a block of time. 

                I did learn how much I really look forward to time to alone.  I need this space, it renews and refreshes me.  I am a better person, I am more fully who God created me to be when I get time alone.  It takes a lot of work and planning but as time goes on I am realizing how much I need to prioritize this sacred space.

                As far as taking off the masks, I actually feel this is most accurate for me when it comes to worshiping in solitude.  I know that when we talk about solitude is usually means being alone and being quiet, but as I think about it, my most sincere worship comes when I am alone.  My favorite times are when I am home and I get to sit at my piano with no one else around and it’s just me and God.  There is no one to impress, to think about.  I don’t wonder if I seem sincere or look sincere.  I merely find my place at the feet of my Father and worship Him the way I was meant to worship.  The more time I get to spend in this type of worship, the more I understand what it is meant to look like.  That being said, I realize that I need to work on being quiet before God.  I guess maybe it's easier to feel like I have taken off my masks when I am worshiping because I have something to occupy my mind with.  As I think about this concept of being my true self before God, I see that I have some work to do.   

Week 7

Before this chapter, I would have said that Jesus needed to die on the cross to make a way for us to spend eternity in heaven.  He had to die in our place so that we could have the opportunity to be made right with God.  That probably would have been the extent of my explanation. 

When I read this story about Brennan Manning, I was perplexed that I had never thought of Jesus dying on the cross in this manner.  I have never thought, “What more could he have done?”  It made me sad that I had ever questioned his love for me.  I realize how often I take it for granted that he died for me.  Sometimes it is hard not to gloss over the cross.  I have been hearing it my whole life; Jesus died on the cross because he loves me so much.  But, I don’t stop to think about what that means often enough.  Reading this story gave me new perspective on this idea that there isn’t anything else that he could have done to show his love.  He did it all on the cross.  If someone living now did this for me, if someone died on my behalf, in my place, I think I would wake up every morning thinking about it.  I think it would weigh heavy on my mind and heart day after day.  It would change how I see the world, how I make decisions, how I look at life.  I realize that even though this is what Jesus did for me, I don’t let it get that close.  I hold it at a distance.  I depersonalize it as if he died for everyone else but not for me.  I am finding that I need to spend some time meditating on the cross and what it means to me.  What a powerful story.

Living with Margin

                This is something I have struggled to incorporate in my life for a few years.  I think I did try to be more mindful of creating more space in life this week.  I guess one of the suggestions that I did was cutting out unnecessary entertainment.  This isn’t a huge part of my life, so I don’t feel like it really was much different than the norm.  What really made the biggest difference was trying to schedule more efficiently, and limit how much I tried to pack into one day.  This is the thing that causes the biggest amount of stress for me.  It is trying to do 5 million things in one day, dragging the boys here and there. What happens is, I am always in such a hurry that nothing is completed or done well.  So I have to say that in trying to slow down and do less, life felt much better.  I was less frustrated with how the day went mostly because I wasn’t in a hurry trying to get out the door.  I also said “no” a lot more.  This was hard.  It feels selfish to me when I don’t offer to help someone out when I know they could use the help, or bring a meal to everyone I know that just had a baby.  It is a tricky balance for sure trying to figure out how to live a life that is reaching out to others, but not over-reaching so much that there is no time for the most important things. 

                I realize that I feel pressure to do a lot of stuff for other people, and I struggle with knowing when to reach out and when to just be.  I guess I feel like if someone asks, I should say yes.  I am not a “yes” person, but I struggle with this.  When I do say yes to something, I often stress so much about it that I totally regret doing it.  I am learning that I really have to think through what I am doing, why I am doing it, and if I am doing it the best most efficient way possible.  This takes a lot of work, but in the end is so much better.  I have to do things thoughtfully and not out of reaction but out of intentional planning.  After having a pretty quiet week, I realized that I was so much more patient with my 2 year old.  I was able to even laugh at how he doddles and gets distracted with every little thing.  This was really eye opening and in the end rewarding.  Such truly small changes that made life feel so much better. 

               

Love

I have done lectio devina before, and I really enjoyed going through this practice again.  I was especially moved by the passage that Smith chose for us to work through.  Having done this before, it was nice to settle in and spend time in a small part of scripture.  This is actually more reflective of what my typical Bible reading looks like, and while I see the value of our Bible reading program, this is much more my style.  It was refreshing to stop and allow the Word of God speak to me.  I definitely heard pretty loud and clear what God was saying to me through the practice of lectio devina.  While this was a powerful moment, it was a bit heart breaking as God revealed where I need to put some work in.  I love when I sense God’s presence, but sometimes what He reveals is difficult to accept and hard to hear.  However, I already feel like He is changing me, making me a better person, and allowing me to grow in the areas He pointed out in this time.

                I feel like most of the things I “learn” are things I have known but need reminded of.  I guess I learned that God can be very gentle in His discipline.  As He brought to light an area in my life that I really, really need to change, it was such a gentle and kind prompting.  My heart fell as the truth of what He was revealing to me became apparent, but even still I see Him at work in my life already.  I learned about myself that I have really neglected some areas of my life.  There is always something that needs some work.

                “You must sit down,” said Love, “and taste my meat.”

This is my favorite line of the poem.  While I found the entire piece moving, this line grabs my heart.  The last few years God has said to me in many ways through many people to rest in Him.  Over and over again He has said be still, abide in me, rest in me, allow me.  I for some reason am always surprised that God wants us to rest.  I guess part of this comes from this idea that good people work and work hard.  Most of the people I love, respect, and look up to are workers.  I grew up surrounded by family who valued working hard.  This was instilled into me at a young age.  I am very grateful for this.  The only place this is difficult is in my relationship with God.  I forget and undervalue rest.  I overlook that God doesn’t require work from me, He requires a heart that is willing and moldable.  More than anything He wants me to spend time with Him.  It continues to boggle my mind that the God of the universe is interested in me, that He wants to spend time with me.  It is a good reminder once again that if I stop and rest in Him, He will do the work that needs to be done.

Psalm 23

I have spent some time in Psalm 23.  A few months ago I made it a part of my daily practice to recite or read this Psalm every day.  I actually stuck with it for a month or so.  Reading this week that this was the soul training was really exciting.  It was nice to once again revisit this passage that really speaks to me in so many ways.  I didn’t do the same thing every time, but whenever I would think about it, I would in my mind recite and or pray Psalm 23.  One of these times I actually prayed it out loud.  I always find peace in these words.  I feel like they center me and help me to settle in to God and what He has.

                I realized that I miss spending time in this part of scripture on a daily basis.  I need to once again revisit these words daily.  They put my day into perspective even as I begin to recite them. 

                It is really hard to pick out one verse or phrase that is meaningful.  Depending on the day, each line in this passage is so heavy with truth and meaning.  I think one phrase that often speaks to me is he restores my soul.  God restores my soul.  He cares enough about me that even the parts of me that I may not fully know or understand he brings restoration to.  That place in my life that nothing else can heal, nothing else can fix, and He is there.  He is always there waiting for me to quiet myself so that he can move and bring wholeness to me.  I love that this Psalm speaks so confidently.  There is not a question of if God will answer or be near.  Instead it is stated as absolute.  Even in moments of doubt, as I pray these truths my heart is calmed, my soul quieted, and my mind is brought back to the One who created me.  

week 3

“Finding God moment by revelatory moment, in the sacred and the mundane, in the valley and on the hill, in triumph and tragedy, and living praise erupting because of it.  That is what we were made for.”              David Crowder

                Making a list of blessings was not a difficulty for me at all.  I actually really enjoyed it.  Having done a small amount of international travel to Central America, I merely have to remember those trips and my list of blessings grows quite rapidly.   It is amazing what much of the world does without.  Beyond having an incredible family and support system, the list of creature comforts alone fills a page or so.  I know and am reminded often how incredibly blessed I am.  I am completely undeserving though continually thankful for this. 

                I was reminded of how amazing God is.  I did learn that a few of the things I am thankful for actually sometimes annoy me.  An example of this is:  I love that my husband loves to play with my boys.  Often this playtime gets rowdy and loud.  In the moment I am often annoyed with the noise level and craziness of what those boys are doing.  But I wouldn’t change it.  I know the value of the role my husband plays in their lives as their dad, and I realize that I need to chill out.  What they are doing, though loud and crazy is important and one day I will miss getting to be the audience. 

                I wasn’t really surprised by anything that made my list.  I think when you travel outside of the US, many things that you take for granted are made pretty apparent.  This is especially true if you visit any developing countries.  I am so grateful that I have had the opportunities in my life to travel a bit.  It has helped me to put life into perspective and to understand a little of what many people go without.  In addition to this, I have some dear friends who once lived in Honduras.  One was born there and the other lived there for 7 years.  Just sitting with them and hearing a little of what life was like there always helps me to see how truly spoiled I am. 

                This was a really nice exercise.  I looked forward to the end of the night when I would grab a pen and sit with my journal and jot down a few more things that I am thankful for.  I think I might make this a weekly habit.   

Shhhhhhhhhhh

The Beauty of Silence

I am sitting beside a pool surrounded by trees with birds chirping all around. Though there is laughter and shouting it is a serene and silent moment. I love silence, I crave quiet. It is what soothes my soul. While I enjoy the peacefulness of no noise, what really renews me is the moments that my mind is quiet. This is the task for me. To not only find space for literal silence, but to find a way to silence within. I was able to find space for the practice of this discipline although I need to make more time to sit and be.
I realize that more than physical silence I need to practice inner silence. I have a constant ticker running all of the things I need to do, plan, figure out, and pray about. My struggle is in letting those things fall so that I can just be. So that I can rest in the presence of The Almighty. I also discovered that I am currently struggling to know deep within that God is good. It is something I know and have known. He has shown me time and time again His goodness, but last year was a rough one for us. I am realizing that I am still trying to process through some of the tragic losses we endured. When life gets crappy it's sometimes hard for me to fully grasp that God is good when my heart is so full of sorrow and grief. I am so thankful that God allows me to work through these times in life. That He remains close even as I struggle to hang on to the truths He has revealed to me again and again.
It was hard to find the time to spend in silence mostly because I read the soul training Tuesday. So I've only had a few days to focus in on this particular discipline. Also, I am so forgetful that there are times that I just don't remember until I am drifting off into sleep. A point in which silence only leads to slumber.
I was walking with my son talking about some flowers, and I was reminded how Jesus tells us that he clothes the lilies and provides for the birds of the air....how much more does he care for us??? (Matthew 6:28-33). Being in nature and taking some time to be in creation with my son actually allows me to share a lot about God and his love for us. I am just thinking maybe that is a space where I can hear/sense God more easily.I am much more aware of His love when I am paying attention to what He has created.

Week 1

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I love sleep.  To have an "assignment" of practicing sleep is like a dream come true.  Unfortunately, at this point in my life, sleep is like an elusive unicorn that doesn't exist.  It's like a cloud, from afar it's there but once you get close, it's impossible to grasp.  So, did I practice this discipline of slumber?  Well, I did attempt to go to bed early, but the harder I tried the worse it was.  It felt like as soon as my head hit my pillow my little one woke up, then for some unknown reason my 2 year old would wake up, then my little one got up, etc. and then the sun is up.  At least that is what I hear "mommy, the sun is up! wake up!"  This is the way it goes right now.  Did I make an attempt to get more sleep, yes.  Did it work? No.  I had to laugh that this was our "soul training" this week because my husband's schedule was supposed to be a lovely 7am-3pm Monday through Friday sort of thing.  But as life would have it, it was crazy and he had to go to work on the weekend and all hours of the night on more than one occasion.  So needless to say the three Smith men living in my house make sleeping oh but a dream.  I honestly just felt frustrated and exhausted.  Perhaps a season of sleep will be in my 10 year plan.

What did I learn about myself through this practice of sleep?  Well, I turn into a terrible person when I don't get enough sleep, but I already knew that.   So, I didn't have any deep revelations.  Maybe when I actually get such glorious stretches of sleep I will be able to think straight enough to discover something.

I don't feel like I had any aha moments about God through this exercise.  I was however reminded of how often God talks about rest in the Bible.  I am reassured that all through His Word He calls us to rest.  That is music to my ears. Time and time again He calls me/us to rest in Him.  To lean on Him, to draw from His strength.  My God is so good.  I forget that He truly cares for me and my well-being.  He doesn't want or expect me live life at the pace our society has set.  His grace truly is sufficient even for a sleep deprived mamma like me.  If only I could grasp that before my morning cup of coffee.  

On another note, this book is refreshingly easy to read thus far.  I do feel like I am hearing a lot of thoughts that mirror those of Richard Foster.  I am eager to read more.  I find such truth in what Smith has to say so far.  

Week 7

The more we know about it, the more we study the stars or the rocks or the whales or the volcanoes, the more we ought to praise God, summing up in articulate speech, the inarticulate praises of all creation (193)

There is nothing more humbling to me than to gaze into the sky on a dark clear night in the middle of a forest and see the vastness of a sky full of stars.  When I feel far from God, or overlooked, I like to sit and ponder this idea that the creator of the universe created me.  I love what Wright is saying here.  When we stop to see what God has created, we can't help but praise him.  It's like the amazing sunsets that we get here in AZ.  There are times where you just can't help but stand in awe of the beauty.  I know Wright says "we ought to praise God," but I think we can't help but praise Him when we take the time to take in His handiwork.

Maybe the challenge is taking the time to actually settle in enough to enjoy God's creation.  How often I find myself rushing here and there.  I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I forget to enjoy what God has given me.  Then my sweet little boy reminds me when he becomes enthralled with a lizard on the wall, a flower on a plant, or a stick in the grass.  Or my husband stops me and says come look at this sunset.  I am so thankful God has placed people in my life who help me to pause and savor these moments.  

Week 6

I am not sure if I agree or disagree with the statement Wright makes when he says, "To worship without using the Psalms is to risk planting seeds that will never take root." (165).  It is hard to argue against Wright.  The Psalms are amazing.  I think they belong in our services, but it feels like he is saying without them it is frivolous or shallow to do anything at all.  I see their value and sanctity but I do not think its all for not without them.  Perhaps I would feel differently if growing up the tradition of worship I knew was more reflective of his perspective.  My curiosity is definitely piqued at this point.  It would be fascinating to attend a service that reflected Wrights perspective on the Psalms.  Finding a service like this would be the difficulty I imagine.  

Yikes this is late: week 5

"That life is constantly praising its maker by being, particularly and peculiarly, what it is."  (pg. 120)

"The glory of God, said theologian Ireneus, is a human being fully alive." (pg. 135)

These two statements caught my eye this week.  In essence I think they are saying the same thing.  When I am who God created me to be, He is glorified.  I find a lot of freedom in this.  God created me in his image, yet I have my own unique quirks and characteristics that make me who I am.  God in his infinite wisdom designed me so that the more I become who He created me to be, the more He is honored.  I think maybe this is one of the reasons that people spend so much of their lives searching for who they really are.  One of the most tragic things for me growing up in the church has been seeing the people I looked up to and admired fall apart.  Perhaps this happens when people pursue what they want to be instead of who God made them to be.  Life is a work in progress, growing and learning more about myself is part of the process.  It isn't bad when I discover new things about myself, the problem is created when I step outside of what God has created in me.  The amazing thing that I love about all of this is:  the more I know God, the more I am able to see who he created me to be.  Growing closer to God, pursuing God unravels his intention for me.  I am allowed encouraged even to rest in who my creator made me to be.  To be at peace with who I am, I don't have to strive after who I think I should or could be, as long as I simply rest in His presence. Who God has created in me will rise to the surface.

This book is sometimes hard to read because it takes a lot of concentration and time, but I am enjoy learning how the Psalms are woven throughout the Bible.  It's a little intense trying to keep up, but it's pretty amazing that we have access to this amazing Word of God.  Not to mention all of the resources we have at our fingertips to further understand the Bible.  I can't imagine what life must be like for those who do not own a Bible.  It makes more sense to me why back in the day they spent so much time in the temple learning about and memorizing the Torah.  I forget how spoiled I am.  I would be clinging to every word if I wasn't able to just go back and read it again another day.  I need to live a little more like my life depends on this "good book" because in all actuality, my life does depend on these words.

week 4

Week 4

“And at the heart of that new land, we see not a sacred building of bricks and mortar but a sacred people, whose very hearts have become the dwelling place of the living God by his Spirit, enabling them to be conformed to “the model of the image of his son,” the one in whom the Psalms’ greatest promises have found their fulfillment.” (115)

As we have been reading through the Old Testament, I am reminded how powerful the God that we serve is.  I know this, but reading the stories of Moses, Noah and David opens my eyes once again to the astounding power of our God.  I wonder how the Israelites would respond to Wrights statement, “…we see not a sacred building of bricks and mortar but a sacred people, whose hearts have become the dwelling place of the living God by his Spirit…”  The awe and fear they felt toward God make me wonder if they might have been quite frightened by this idea.  When I think about this I realize how incredible it is that the God of the universe has made a way to reside in me.  We often use language like, “ask Jesus to come into your heart” but seldom if ever do I realize the weight of this statement.  The Almighty God not only knows me, knows my name, my place in life, but He has made a way for the Holy Spirit to reside in me.  This is hard to grasp and even more difficult to try to write about. 

How great my faith would be if on a daily basis I could sink into the place of knowing that the Holy Spirit dwells in me.  I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around this, but I do not doubt that I could truly move mountains if I walked daily in this truth.  What an incredible time of worship it would be if I could grasp this concept and lead worship from a place of truly understanding what this means.  I am so grateful that God allows me to grapple with these ideas as I attempt to live life in a way that is honoring to Him.  

Week 3

A few years ago my husband and I went to a Christmas party.  The host made his own plumb brandy.  Of course we couldn't pass the opportunity to sample a little moonshine.  This brandy was served in a shot glass, with the intention of it being sipped....slowly.  This stuff could keep you warm in the middle of the winter in the arctic.  Wright's writing reminds me of this brandy.  It is meant to be enjoyed slowly.  Sip by sip piece by piece. There is so much depth to these chapters.  I wish I had the time to read and re-read and read again these pages.  Such thought provoking and challenging words.  

"Make us, in other words, to be people who know how to stand at the threshold of human time and God's time, and there to learn both humility and hope." 

How do we learn to "know how to stand at the threshold of human time and God's time"?  In theory this sounds great.  To actually  learn this feels impossible.  Its the "tension of the now and the not yet" as we so often talk about in the Vineyard.  One of the reasons I love to be around people who have "been around" is because they teach me how to live in this tension.  I love that this is such a big part of our Vineyard roots.

Wright says "and there to learn both humility and hope."  These are the hard things.  We don't know them intuitively.  They seem to be learned most often in difficult and painful circumstances.  It reminds me once again that being a Christian is a process.  It's a slow sometimes painful process, but God's patience and grace with us never fails.  God is good.  He is always good.  

Week Two

"Sing these songs, and they will renew you from head to toe, from heart to mind.  Pray these poems, and they will sustain you on the long, hard but exhilarating road of Christian discipleship." (N.T. Wright pg 35)

"They will renew you from head to toe, from heart to mind"

How often I have found myself sitting at my piano singing old songs like I Lift My Eyes Up Psalm 121:1-2, and found refuge in the words.  Almost as if a restart button has been pushed.  Through songs like this, a cathartic experience happens where I can lay my burdens at the feet of my Father where true renewal is found.  I think something occurs when these sacred words are put to music.  My heart is more malleable when God speaks to me and I am more apt to listen during times of worship.  The words are more accessible to my memory when put to music as opposed to strict memorization.  When Wright speaks of renewal from heart to mind, it's as if the struggle between the two is put to rest.  These words wash over me, and my heart and mind are at peace with one another.  The things God stirs in my heart begin to transform my way of thinking.  I love that line.

“Pray these poems, and they will sustain you on the long, hard but exhilarating road of Christian discipleship."

With the gamut of emotions found in the Psalms, there is a passage to pray no matter the circumstances.  I find myself wanting to sink into the words Wright uses as he talks about how the Psalms will "sustain" me in my journey.  He says it’s going to be hard, it's going to be long, but it’s going to be exhilarating.  How reminiscent these words are to our talk with Adam Russell when he shared about ministry being a marathon.

Countless times I have read the Psalms and been surprised by the raw emotion wondering if the author crying out to God is sinning in His prayers.  I then find comfort in knowing that Christians have for ages battled this seesaw of emotions; at times feeling blessed beyond words, at times feeling fully abandoned by God.

In regards to worship, something in my own life that continues to amaze me is how quickly I can recall the melody of a song even from childhood; yet, I struggle immensely to memorize scripture.  What a gift to have passages, not just a verse, but an entire passage put to music and sung as a worship song.  These songs are literally putting the words of God on our hearts without it being realized.  It makes me want to seek these songs that are based on the passages of scripture out and use them in my sets.  As the day goes on, someone merely humming the tune of a worship song is actually quoting scripture.  What could be more helpful to those I have the opportunity to lead into worship?  This also inspires me to practice "writing" songs where the lyrics are straight from the Bible. Even if it only stays in the confines of my own home, and is a terrible song, the worst that could happen is I learn more scripture.

Just a side note, there are a few parts of Judges that seriously blew my mind.  Again and again I am dumbfounded by the justice of the Old Testament.

“This means, of course, that the Psalms were the hymnbook that Jesus and his 1^st followers would have known by heart.”  N.T. Wright

                I love the Psalms.  I love to read them, I love to meditate on them, and I love to find refuge in the depths of passages written ages ago.  Psalm 91 has brought me comfort more times than I can count.  I have prayed those words of protection over my husband time after time in the middle of the night as he patrols the streets of Phoenix, and I do my best to keep fear at bay.  I have read, said allowed, and whispered the words, Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 40:10), more times than I can count trying to remind myself to rest in His presence.  Psalm 139 reminds me often of how God knows me, He created me, and He sees where I have been and knows where I am going.  I found myself meditating on these scriptures often during both of my pregnancies.  Amazed by the words you created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13).   The Psalms have played a powerful role in my relationship with God.

                It might sound crazy, but I forget that the Bible was such a big part of Jesus’ life.  When I think about that, when I really think about the fact that there are parts of the Bible that Jesus and the disciples memorized and recited it brings a whole new depth to the words I read.  How incredible it is that I get to read those words that shaped and formed some of the most famous Christians of all time.  N.T. Wright also talks about how the Psalms unite over time and culture (pg. 6).  When I read my Bible, sometimes it is selfish and self-focused.  I have never allowed the idea that for thousands of years people have been reading these same words resonate within.  I am truly in awe.  The more this idea sinks in, the more I feel so small yet so privileged to have these amazing words at my fingertips.  How profound this idea is that my Savior would have poured over these words that I love so much.  It’s hard for me to comprehend and harder still to express.

                One of the greatest experiences I have had learning about worship came when I visited my Uncle’s church.  The style of worship is very different from what is typical in a Vineyard church.  In this particular situation, I got to sit in on a “prophetic singing” teaching.  The session looked like this: a passage from Psalm was chosen prior to the teaching, there was a short time of instruction, after this the band played, and several vocalists waited until a melody came to one of them.  Then whoever felt they had a melody for this particular passage would sing it out.  It was amazing to hear and see the different songs come forth.  As I think back on this time, I realize how powerful the Psalms are.  I realize the place they have, and I am excited to look and see how I can incorporate them into my sets.

Week 13

What is easy for you to celebrate in your life right now?

                Honestly, the things I celebrate are my family.  In mornings when my husband walks through the door after working all night I celebrate that he is home safe. Sometimes I really wish he was in a different profession, but I know that God has him where he is for a reason.  When I say goodbye to him at night, I entrust his safety to God, but when he gets home and I get to hug him and see for myself that he is safe it is easy to celebrate.  It doesn’t take thought or effort to rejoice in these moments.

                I am so blessed to have two amazing boys.  Celebration comes in so many forms with these two.  It is often the small things that cause major celebration.  Things like: hearing my two year old pray, hearing him say “I love Sammy” (his little brother), seeing Samuel wide eyed looking around, hearing him coo and make his sweet little baby noises, getting more than two hours of consecutive sleep.  When I look at these boys, I cannot help but celebrate what God has given me.  Just seeing them grow and develop as they should makes me celebrate.  I am all too aware how amazingly blessed and fortunate I am in these areas.  God truly is so good.  

Week 12

Look back on major decisions, struggles, adjustments, or periods of change in your life.  Can you identify any places in which you wish you had sought corporate guidance or in which you missed opportunities to be helped by those who could have provided loving, wise direction for you?  What can you learn from these experiences that will help you grow toward a more vital participation in community?

Unfortunately I can think of too many times where my husband and I have missed opportunities for corporate guidance.  One of the most significant periods of change for us was after having our first child.  Life literally felt upside down.  We had been married 7 years, had both started our careers, bought a house, were hugely involved in youth ministry at church, and had recently done a ton of traveling when we decided we should start our family.  We had no idea how difficult it would be for us to adjust to our little one.  We loved being parents, and we loved our son, but we did not know how to function.  We took a break from almost all ministry, and nine months later we were still struggling to figure out how to balance it all.  As hard as we tried to claw our way back into serving, things were never the same.  Had we spent some time in seeking corporate guidance, I think this transition would have been so much smoother.  We did ask for people to pray for us that we would know how and when to jump back into ministry, but we never asked people what they felt like God was saying.  In fact, this whole concept is a little new to me.  I've always been a fan of "seeking wise council," but it has never crossed my mind to pursue "corporate guidance" as Foster describes.

Had we intentionally sought people out to help us navigate life after our son, I believe we would have been so much more effective.  Even now 2 1/2 years later we are still struggling to seek Gods will for us in regards to ministry.  Corporate guidance is a brilliant approach to finding clarity for what God has.  I was amazed when I read about the couple who sought corporate guidance regarding whether they should marry or not.  I am fascinated by this concept, and am eager to pursue this disciple of corporate guidance.  I can think of several areas of our life right now that corporate guidance would be tremendously helpful.  The idea of living in this kind of community sounds truly amazing. 

Week 11

Week 11: Worship

Are there any changes you would like to make in your current patterns of practicing worship?

A few weeks ago Brian did a message about inviting Jesus to be in your everyday life.  He talked about inviting Jesus to join as you read the paper, watch tv, eat breakfast, etc.  This was a really challenging message for me.  I know this is what you are supposed to do as a Christian, but for some  reason I have forgotten that God needs to be in every part of my life.  I have severely overlooked verses like Romans 12:1.  

 As I read this chapter on worship, I was struck by the similarity of Brian's message and Foster's first step in worship.  He says to "learn to practice the presence of God daily."  This is one area of worship that I would like to grow in.  I forget in my daily life that God should be a part of it all; not just the "designated" times like my quiet time or when I attend church.  As I have been attempting to invite Jesus to be with me every moment of every day I realize how difficult this is, and how easily I forget to invite Him to join me.

If I can spend more time with God in my daily living, how much more will I be able to follow Him.  How much easier will it be to hear His voice and sense His presence?  This will dramatically increase my ability to lead people to God through worship.  If I can see where He is going; where He is leading, I can lead others into a more meaningful time of worship.  Letting God take control will be so much easier.  Risking will be much less frightening. If I can learn to truly let God be a part of every moment of my life, my effectiveness as a worship leader can only increase.  My relationship with Him will only get better.  This truly will change my life in the best of ways.  

How is it that I have grown up in a Christian home, and I have been a Christian from a really young age and yet this stuff feels new....I feel like I should have some of this figured out by now.  Seriously I have recently (for a few weeks) been legitimately trying to consciously invite God to be a part of every point of my day.  I cannot begin to list how many minutes, hours, days that have passed that I have completely forgotten to do this.  Worse even is the moments that I have invited Him yet ignored his promptings.  Sometimes I feel like I am exactly like my two year old son; he cries because he wants me to be near yet when I speak to him he does not want to listen.  Someday I hope I can grow up a bit. 

Week 10: Confession

Where are your greatest difficulties in understanding and accepting the forgiveness of God?

I don’t know why this is so hard.  I guess when it comes down to it, I just don’t always feel worthy of such forgiveness.  I grew up in a Christian home, I became a Christian at a very young age, and I have never walked away from God.  I know that God is good, and that He loves me.  With all that being said, I have always struggled with feeling God’s love.  It is one of those things that I know, but I guess I don’t feel it most of the time.  There are times where God moves in a big way and I am reminded how much he loves me, but in my day to day life, it’s something I forget.  Perhaps the big lesson for me here is to spend more time reminding myself of God’s love.

In my mind, if I had a greater understanding of God’s love for me, than accepting His forgiveness would be easier…not sinning would be easier.  It is so hard to wrap my mind around the idea that God loves me so much that he would give up the life of his son.  Knowing fully all of the stupid things I do, why would He do this?  It is so hard to grasp this concept.  Yet, that is the truth.  This is the amazing part of being a Christian.

This gets tricky when leading worship.  How do I lead songs like “This is Amazing Grace” and “The Lord is Gracious” when I struggle believing them?  This again is where God moves and reminds me of His love for me.  When I lead songs like these, God speaks to me, He whispers ever so softly to the depths of my soul and reminds me that no matter what He loves me.  And in those moments I believe Him.  He is so good.

Week 9

Which forms of service are hardest for you to practice? Why do you think this is so?

There is something about having people over that freaks me out.  Seriously, my husband would probably have people in our home every day if it was up to him alone.  I don’t know why, but I get a little crazy when people come over.  I want my house to be spotless, and I never feel like things are good enough.  It is ridiculous because I know that our friends don’t really care at all.  I know that they do not notice that my kitchen is outdated, that there is likely a layer of dust on the bookshelves, and that if they dare to put their hand in a couch cushion they are bound to find some stale goldfish or cheerios.  But I continue to feel this way.  The ironic thing is that I have not always felt like this.  When we first got married, we lived in a tiny little apartment with mismatched couches that were from my husband’s apartment.  Seriously they were terrible.  At one point we had a crate in place of a dining room chair because the chair had broken, we did not own a television (that was a great conversation starter), and our home décor was a mix of stolen street signs (courtesy of my husband’s teenage years) and random items we got for our wedding (random being the key word).  And yet, I didn’t notice or care enough to be self-conscious about it.

I guess as I get older I feel more and more pressure to meet other people’s expectations.  I think this is the reason hospitality is such a difficult service for me to practice.  I assume that I will be judged because my home is not out of a magazine.  Why I get so caught up in what someone else might think I do not know.  At the end of the day, what does it matter?  This is my life, my house is sometimes dirty, and there are always dirty little fingerprints to be found.  I would not change it.  It is crazy when I think about it that I allow this to get in the way of serving.  Yet another area of life to do some work on.

submission

Week 8:  Submission

What fears or anxieties, if any, hinder you from joyfully experiencing the Discipline of submission?

Okay so I am not sure that it is so much fear or anxiety as much as it is frustration and misconception that cause me to avoid this idea of submission all together.  To be quite honest, I have heard too many teachings on submission that just seem to misrepresent and distort what it seems the Bible is really saying.  I guess my fear is that some of these terrible teachings are actually true.  This really applies to the teachings concerned with marriage.  For some reason, I can recall hearing a lot about wives submitting to husbands but not much else in the way of teaching on submission.  I seriously rolled my eyes a little when I saw this title because I am so frustrated by what I feel like the Bible says and what so many people say.   

                Enough soap box for now, the answer to the question above is truly that I am afraid that all of these teachings that put a bad taste in my mouth are true.  After reading Foster’s chapter on submission I breathed a sigh of relief.  The whole idea of submission is difficult but, the way Foster explains it makes much more sense to me.  It is really living life the way Jesus lived.  To “joyfully” submit seems so counterintuitive.  However, when Foster talks about the freedom of not having to have my own way, my eyes were opened.  I had never thought of this as a positive thing, but as I read the explanation he gives, I literally felt the weight being lifted.  Just the idea of being in a place where I don’t have to get my own way seems freeing.   Truly I am slowly understanding that submission is actually living life the way that Jesus lived.  Instead of making it about husbands and wives, I am realizing that it is a way of life.  It is funny because when I think of what I am afraid of and what causes anxiety in regard to submission I realize that I am a little afraid of giving up the control.  I want my way, I want to do what I want and how I want, but I know and have always known that God’s way is always better.  I know His plan is going to be more challenging and difficult, but I also know that His plan is best. 

                I have been trying to do some meditation and study on Psalm 23.  As I was spending time reading this passage the other day, the first verse resonated with me.  Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd I have all that I need.  This verse alone reminds me that even as I submit myself before God, he will provide all that I need.  He is faithful and promises again and again to provide for my needs.  Why then do I fear giving up the control?  Submitting to him and his way of life is so much better.  In regards to worship, the same is true.  I can show up with my set and my plan, but it is so much better when I simply follow his lead.  He knows what is needed, He knows where I am, and sometimes He decides to take things in a different direction.  This always freaks me out, but it is always so much better when I follow his lead.

                Someday soon I hope to know and understand this more fully; to truly give my life up without hesitation or thought to the God that I serve, and to know that He has me.

Solitude

Week 7 solitude

By personality and temperament, are you drawn toward being alone or toward being with people?  What does this suggest about your practice of solitude?

So I actually love being alone.  I am definitely an introvert, and I crave solitude and silence.  Having a husband and now two little boys, neither of these things come around very often.  I guess this suggests that solitude is a practice that happens often and easily for me.  To some extent this is very true.  It is not uncommon for me to drive my car in silence, or to have complete silence when I am home by myself.  I am not a person who needs to have noise or people around to feel comfortable.  So naturally solitude is pretty easy for me.  What takes a little more work is making it purposeful and useful.

One aspect of this chapter that is a massive challenge is this idea of speaking less overall and making what I do say count.  This does not come naturally at all.  Even as I was reading the chapter I felt challenged to speak less.  I was not expecting to see that as part of solitude.  Foater never ceases to challenge.

simplicity

Simplicity

Week 6

In Foster’s discussion of simplicity in chapter 6, what motivated you?  What made you concerned or anxious?

                Reading chapter 6 was quite liberating.  I am constantly looking for ways to simplify life.  I have never thought of simplicity as a discipline, but I see the reason why Foster addresses it in his book.  I really like that he gives the ten suggestions in how to live a life of simplicity.  In reading this chapter, I am motivated by each of these steps.  The ones that are the biggest challenge for me currently are nine and ten. 

A few years ago my husband and I were educated on the vast and horrific fact of modern day slavery.  When we were first told of this hidden horror, we were given a ton of information.  One piece of this was learning to make responsible purchases.  Never had we thought about where our clothes or electronics had come from.  After learning more, we realized that some purchases are not so innocent.  As time has gone on and life has become more busy, finances a little more limited, we have fallen out of the habit of making educated choices in regards to the things we buy.  While this may seem extreme, it is something that I truly believe falls under the ninth suggestion Foster gives.  He says to “reject anything that breeds the oppression of others.”  I am motivated to be a better consumer and to make more educated decisions in regards to the companies I give my money to.  

Putting God first is always a challenge for me.  This is why number ten of Foster’s guidelines is another challenge.  There are so many things that easily push God to the side, this is a terrible and frankly lazy way of living.  Reading this chapter once again reminds me how intentional I have to be to truly put God first, above all things.  It is crazy to me how easily other things quietly begin to push God aside.  I really have to be intentional and conscious of this or I easily find myself frustrated and depleted.  How good God is to constantly remind me that he is all I need.  That without him, nothing really matters, that with him no matter the circumstance life is truly better.  How easily I forget and how gently he reminds me of these things.  He is a good and faithful God and he deserves all I have to give.

Study

Week Five:  Study

What have you learned about practicing the Discipline of Study in your work on Celebration of Discipline so far?

                I realized very quickly that what I thought about “study” was actually quite different from Foster’s explanation of study.  In many ways I was excited to read this chapter because initially I thought to myself, finally something that seems a little easier.  As I began to read I realized how very wrong I was about study being easy.  So what did I learn?  A lot!  One of the biggest things I am realizing is that I am a really good reader, but I am terrible at giving the information I read a chance to make a change.  Foster says, “The purpose of the Spiritual Disciplines is the total transformation of a person.”  This quote alone is my challenge.  It is letting God totally change me.  I can read the assigned readings and check it off the list without too much difficulty, but I struggle to make breathing room.  By this I mean; I struggle to allow what I read or study to go deep and do what it is meant to do, change me.  As I read about the four steps in study, I see how deliberate I need to be.  I also realize how much more time I need to carve out.  A reoccurring theme for me as I read this book is that I need to allow more space in my life for God.  Wow is He having to really tell me this over and over again.  I have to admit I almost laughed out loud as I read Foster talk about taking a few days of solitude to study for 12 hours a day.  This seems obsurd….at first.  Then I realized how much I need to be steeped in the Word of God.  What a challenging chapter.

                So where is my starting point on this?  Well, since I will have a newborn here very shortly a couple days of solitude really is out of the question.  But, one of the things that Foster also talks about is reading the same short book of the Bible every day for one month.  This is where I will begin.  I will try to implement these four steps of repetition, concentration, comprehension, and reflection.  I know that God is so faithful, when I give even the smallest effort I never regret the time I spend with Him.  I also realize that the more I “know” God, really know him the more grounded I will be. 

It’s funny I pray often that my son will know God at a young age, I want him to know God, not just know of Him.  I guess it is about time I work a little harder to be that example.  This translates in so many ways to leading worship.  The more I know God the better I know how to follow Him.  The more effective I can be in leading because I will see and sense where the Holy Spirit is leading.  When I sing the songs, I can sing with more conviction and understanding because I don’t just think that God is good, I will know it.  I am excited to put more effort into this discipline of study.  I really think I have been waiting for this challenge, now it’s time to actually do it.

Fasting

Week Four:  Fasting

What ideas or insights from Chapter 4 are especially challenging, motivating, or helpful to you?

                So fasting has always been one of the disciplines that seems most intimidating to me.  I always feel like fasting is for the “really spiritual” people that I know or have heard of.  The challenge for me this week was changing my mindset more than anything.  I have limited personal experience with fasting, and although the experiences have been quite profound, it is by no means something that I incorporate into my life on a regular basis.  In fact, this is probably the discipline that I have the least amount of experience and practice in.  Another challenge for me is so few people that I know of fast on a regular basis.  I guess part of this might be that those that do fast do not broadcast it, but I actually think that it is practiced quite rarely by people I know.  If it is practiced and I for some reason know about it, it is rarely a fast from food.  More often I hear people converse about fasting from things like television, Facebook, media as a whole, or a certain type of food.  I was fascinated by the discussion point of fasting being a commandment or not.  I honestly have never looked at fasting as such an integral part of my walk with Christ.

                I think the most helpful parts of chapter four are the practical tips Foster gives about fasting for the first time.  Things like doing a lunch to lunch fast to start, and to start slowly then progress to longer fasts.  I appreciate that he gives a starting point especially since this is something that feels and is so foreign to me personally.   The suggestions he gives in the journal are equally as helpful.  I really like that he suggests to pay attention, and take note of the responses to the fast.  The excerpt he includes in the book on page 58 where the responses to fasts are recorded over time was quite enlightening.  It definitely is challenging me to find a way to make fasting a more routine part of my life.

Prayer

Week Three

Prayer

In what aspect of prayer are you least able to feel confident?

                Foster says, “Listening to the Lord is the first thing, the second thing, and the third thing necessary for successful intercession.”  This is my struggle.  So essentially, my foundation of prayer is all wrong.  I have been praying since before I can remember.  I rarely feel uncomfortable or self-conscious of prayers regardless of the situation.  However, I have been frustrated over and over again feeling like my prayers are useless.  Reading this chapter was eye opening.  How often do I listen first?  Rarely….do I ask God who and what I should prayer for?  Again the answer to this is rarely.  I have heard again and again the importance of praying in accordance with God’s will, but I guess I have never spent the time to understand how one does this.  By God’s grace and mercy I have seen first-hand the power of prayer.  Not just my own prayers, but the prayers of others.  I have been so blessed to grow up in the Vineyard.  I have watched intercessors who have literally for years carried the burdens of our church on their backs spending endless hours on their knees with little to no recognition, and I know they wouldn’t have it any other way.  I have pondered how they do this….how do they seem to know what to pray?  How do they have such patience and obedience?  I am realizing after reading this chapter that much of what they do is listen. 

                So, instead of writing out my list of people and things to pray for, my challenge is to actually ask God what he would have me pray for…what a concept.   I love that Foster tells us to start small.  My prayer request list is full of people with chronic debilitating diseases.  It is full of impossible situations.  I do not by any means think I am supposed to toss these things aside; however, I see the value in starting with small things.  So really once I again God is reminding me to slow down, to make space, to allow Him to move and do the work.  He tends to have to show me things over and over again until I get the concept.  The idea of making more space for Him seems to be yet another part of the puzzle for me.  How profound yet simple this is.  Of course I should be spending time asking God what I should be praying for and who I should be praying for, yet here I am a little perplexed at what this looks like.  I guess it is to square 1 I will go.  Back to the basics with the hope that I can build a foundation that is sturdier, more grounded, and actually constructed on Him.

 

Week Two: Meditation

Week Two

What suggestions in Chapter 2 seem most helpful to you in making meditation a regular part of your life?

                I think for me some of the greatest suggestions actually came from Foster’s explanation of the different types of meditation.  More specifically as he explains “re-collection” or “centering down” with the physical movements of “palms down, palms up.”  I have had the misconception in the past that meditation is all about being still and trying to in some ways empty my mind.  As I have attempted to do this in the past, I have failed miserably.  Trying to think of nothing makes me think of a thousand different things, none of which are important.  This particular type of meditation helps me to focus my thoughts and burdens in a productive way.  I appreciate that the physical posture is a reflection of what my heart is doing.  For some reason, the physical change in the hands helps me to visualize and truly focus on what I am saying to God.  Thora used this type of meditation in a sermon she taught, and it was the first time I had ever practiced the “palms down, palms up”.  It was a powerful moment then, and reading it reminded me of how effective this particular type of meditation is for me personally.  I find that by having a few moments of focused thoughts, my mind more readily becomes still. 

                Earlier in chapter two Foster talks about “holy leisure,” and how it profoundly affects living a life of contemplation.  I find it interesting that this was in some ways discussed during the sermon this week.  Though the concept of having a less crazy schedule is an easy one, putting this into practice proves to be quite a challenge in my life.  I do agree with Foster that this is a major component of living a life of contemplation.  Like much of what Foster says, this sounds so easy and makes so much sense, but actually putting into practice on the day to day feels like moving mountains.  I think I sometimes overlook the importance of having this type of lifestyle; one where I have the time and space to actually hear what God is trying to say to me.  I guess it is time to take a look at the calendar and do some spring cleaning….what ironic timing to be feeling God say slow down when we are expecting our second little boy in a few weeks.  Essentially this is probably the most practical way for me to make meditation a more regular part of life.  This book continues to challenge how I live life on the day-to-day.  It’s easy to understand but so very difficult to do….

                Oddly enough worship is one space where meditation comes more naturally.  I have never put it together until I started typing this out, but I find myself more comfortable in the silence in the context of worship than anywhere else.  Whether I am having personal worship or leading a set, some of the most profound moments have come while waiting on God.  Whether it is before a set begins, or at the conclusion of worship, waiting on God for just a few brief moments has truly changed me in big ways.  The biggest challenge is creating the space to do this more often in my personal times of worship.  I crave these moments; I know I need them to be more effective and to grow deeper with God.  Now I just need to find the time and to protect it instead of filling it with seemingly important things.