Week One 

2. In what ways have you seen God be the “subject of the sentence” or the “object of the sentence” in  your own worshiping life?

In other words, as worshipers we forget that the Story in which we find ourselves is one in which God is active in our lives, and is the ultimate pursuer of the heart. When have you seen in your own life that worship became more about you and your pursuit than about God and His?

               I had a pretty amazing opportunity as a young high school student to lead one of the worship teams in the youth ministry.  I was very proud of this, and in all honesty thought that I had the right idea about worship.   As time went on, a sense of entitlement grew.  It kept growing until I became a judgmental prideful person.  Anytime that someone else was leading worship I thought I could do a better job.  I resented it when I was not asked to do special events, and made sure to let people who did not live up to my standards know it.  Without realizing it I allowed pride to pollute any good intentions I might have had. 

                Well, after some years passed, I had to step down from worship leading because I was pursuing my BSN and couldn’t fit it into my schedule.  I think this in some ways was the only way God could open my eyes to what was going on in my heart.  Now I wasn’t doing anything with worship.  I was not leading, I was not doing backing vocals, and I was not playing keys.  I was simply a worshiper.  I suddenly lost my sense of entitlement because I was unable to participate in worship in a leadership role.  Instead, I was left with myself and God.  No team to lead, no leaders to compare myself to, just me.  To be honest, I was a bit pathetic.  This time of rest from being “on stage” renewed me and seriously wrecked the way I perceived myself as a worshiper and a worship leader.  To say that God humbled me during this time is an understatement.

                I was getting closer to finishing my degree and was asked to do backing vocals for a young adult service.  I was excited to be asked, but was now more afraid than I had ever been.  All this time off had allowed God to soften my heart.  He gently brought me back a heap of a mess at His feet.  I found myself insecure and scared (again taking the focus off of God to myself), but God led me back to Him again and again.  My role in worship began to grow and I would find myself at the feet of God telling Him I can’t do this.  I am not talented enough, experienced enough, or good enough.  He would gently remind me once again that worship is not about me.  It never was and never will be.  Instead it is about Him, and if He wanted me to be involved in worship He would give me what I needed.  

                In essence I find myself in a constant battle trying to keep God the “subject of the sentence,” in my life.  It is a definite work in progress.  Sometimes the progress is a little slower than I’d like.

hope this made sense :)           

3. In what ways have you seen “embedded theology” at work in your own life? In what ways have you chosen to do “deliberative” theology, and what experience(s) triggered that choice?

We are all a mix of where we came from, and where we want to be. At times, we simply live theworshiping life out of ideas about God, ourselves and the world around us that we were taught,and embraced. Yet, at “crisis” moment, good or bad, we make choices about the way we’ll see God. Can you think of a moment you moved from an “embedded theology” to a “deliberativetheology” about God?

I went to a Vineyard Leadership Conference a few years ago.  I remember attending a workshop that addressed some pretty controversial issues regarding women and leadership and the theology behind it.  I distinctly remember thinking during the class that I had no idea about some of the views that were being talked about.  People were throwing out terms like complementarianism and egalitarianism.  I was in over my head ot say the least.  I walked out of that workshop overwhelmed and somewhat shocked.  I remember telling my mom I had no idea about these different views and was pretty taken back by what I had heard.

It was that class that prompted me to study the subject further on my own.  For the first time I cared about theology and what it meant to me.  My whole life I had just gone along with “embedded theology” because I trusted the people around me.  I had been in church all my life and I assumed that what everyone was telling me was correct.  I never felt compelled to study theology or the Bible on my own.  I went home and bought books, looked at articles online, and began to read commentary on the subject.  I realized that it was actually important for me pursue “deliberate theology.”  I needed to study the Bible as much as I needed to read it.  I am by no means a theologian, but, I find that my perception of God has changed as I have been more intentional about learning who He really is.  And I rather like what I am discovering.